What it would take for me to vote for Trump?

Donald Trump Bill Clinton Buddies

I am firmly in the #NeverTrump camp. However, as the saying goes, “Never say never.” So, after some intense soul-searching as election day approaches, I just might reconsider. However, my vote will not come without a price. Here are 10 non-negotiable conditions to be met before I break my #NeverTrump vow:

  1. Donald Trump must publicly apologize to Serge Kovaleski, John McCain, Gonzalo Curiel, Meghan Kelly and Carly Fiorina. He should end his statement of contrition with “Most of the time, I’m a complete ass. What else can I tell you?”
  1. Donald Trump should also apologize to the rest of humanity, once again ending his statement with “Most of the time, I’m a complete ass. What else can I tell you?”
  1. If elected, Donald Trump must promise to not seek a second term and for the first, he must swear to leave all policy decisions up to his vice president.
  1. Donald Trump must thoroughly disavow bigoted, racist and anti-Semitic elements among his supporters and say, “I know I’ve been blowing a dog whistle for you losers, but you disgust decent people, so you’ll need to go away.”
  1. Donald Trump must seek the forgiveness of anyone hurt by his multiple bankruptcies or who felt ripped off by Trump University.
  1. Jeff Sessions, Chris Christie and Ben Carson must put on tutus and perform “I’m a Little Teacup” on prime-time TV. Thanks to Trump, they have a long way to go to rehabilitate their credibility, but this would the kind of initial baby step they could manage.
  1. Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Eric Bolling, Ann Coulter and Lou Dobbs need to find a cabin somewhere far off the grid and stay there for the next 20 years.
  1. Rush Limbaugh must retire. He really only has one job; standing up for conservatism against its many threats, and when Trump came along he didn’t even try.
  1. Reince Priebus and the rest of the GOP establishment must fix the system so that future convention delegates roughly equal the popular vote. Additionally, going forward all delegates must be free to vote their conscience. After that, I don’t care what these soul-less party apparatchiks do… and I’d prefer to never think of them again.
  1. I must personally receive a hand-written and signed apology from every person who voted Trump in the primaries as well as their legally binding promise to contaminate no more GOP primaries for the next 10,000 years.

Please note that I speak only for myself, and that I can only be a sellout with my own vote. Other #NeverTrump’ers may not be willing to violate their oaths so easily.

So would I be willing to make a similar offer to Hillary? Yeah, but I’d only have one condition for her, and that would be to tell the truth about something… anything! Frankly, I have a better chance of getting what I want from the Trump side.

Jim Carroll

Jim Carroll is a freelance writer and marketing consultant living in Eufaula, Alabama. During a communications career spanning nearly 30 years, Jim has worked as a radio deejay, producer and commercial copywriter; a newspaper journalist and editor; and a marketing communications manager and creative director for a major direct mail advertising company. A libertarian-leaning conservative, Jim’s first published work was a ‘letter to the editor’ of the Columbus (Ga.) Ledger- Enquirer at the age of 11 in support of President Richard Nixon. Apart from The Bible, he lists Milton Friedman’s "Free to Choose," and Stanley Milgram’s "Obedience to Authority" as the greatest literary influences in his life. Jim is a 1985 graduate of Auburn University.

  1. This is funny, you do what u have to do! Me, I’ve been thru every form of denial and grief since the Trump nomination and after much thought, I’ve decided I’m voting for him! Why you ask? Well, the Democrats have basically done every thing they could to ruin my life for the last 8 years! I feel over regulated and under paid. Middle America can’t afford a Hillary White House, I want my life back. I can’t guarantee trump will pull back the over reach but I can guarantee She won’t stop!! Us Working men and women have everything to lose, and right now, principal isn’t going to save us!!

  2. For my vote, your whole list and Rush joins the chorus line AND Trump tithes retroactively for 2016 to the Church he occasionally attends. That would do it. Great article.

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