I am firmly in the #NeverTrump camp. However, as the saying goes, “Never say never.” So, after some intense soul-searching as election day approaches, I just might reconsider. However, my vote will not come without a price. Here are 10 non-negotiable conditions to be met before I break my #NeverTrump vow:
- Donald Trump must publicly apologize to Serge Kovaleski, John McCain, Gonzalo Curiel, Meghan Kelly and Carly Fiorina. He should end his statement of contrition with “Most of the time, I’m a complete ass. What else can I tell you?”
- Donald Trump should also apologize to the rest of humanity, once again ending his statement with “Most of the time, I’m a complete ass. What else can I tell you?”
- If elected, Donald Trump must promise to not seek a second term and for the first, he must swear to leave all policy decisions up to his vice president.
- Donald Trump must thoroughly disavow bigoted, racist and anti-Semitic elements among his supporters and say, “I know I’ve been blowing a dog whistle for you losers, but you disgust decent people, so you’ll need to go away.”
- Donald Trump must seek the forgiveness of anyone hurt by his multiple bankruptcies or who felt ripped off by Trump University.
- Jeff Sessions, Chris Christie and Ben Carson must put on tutus and perform “I’m a Little Teacup” on prime-time TV. Thanks to Trump, they have a long way to go to rehabilitate their credibility, but this would the kind of initial baby step they could manage.
- Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Eric Bolling, Ann Coulter and Lou Dobbs need to find a cabin somewhere far off the grid and stay there for the next 20 years.
- Rush Limbaugh must retire. He really only has one job; standing up for conservatism against its many threats, and when Trump came along he didn’t even try.
- Reince Priebus and the rest of the GOP establishment must fix the system so that future convention delegates roughly equal the popular vote. Additionally, going forward all delegates must be free to vote their conscience. After that, I don’t care what these soul-less party apparatchiks do… and I’d prefer to never think of them again.
- I must personally receive a hand-written and signed apology from every person who voted Trump in the primaries as well as their legally binding promise to contaminate no more GOP primaries for the next 10,000 years.
Please note that I speak only for myself, and that I can only be a sellout with my own vote. Other #NeverTrump’ers may not be willing to violate their oaths so easily.
So would I be willing to make a similar offer to Hillary? Yeah, but I’d only have one condition for her, and that would be to tell the truth about something… anything! Frankly, I have a better chance of getting what I want from the Trump side.